Toady
Didja see what Toady done? He knocked that ball clear across the field! That boy has a future and he’s making waves already—got the best test scores and the girls love him. The boys love him too! Toady is gonna have a blessed life, I can feel it.
I wasn’t anything like Toady—that boy even makes the nickname work! See, they called me Toady too; among other things. There’s always gots to be a Toady, ain’t that right? In my day it was different though. The boys said I was ugly and squat. The girls agreed and added that my hair was slimy too. I wasn’t anything special on the playground neither. Just not very coordinated I guess.
Then there was Stephanie. Oh man did I have a crush on her. I wonder if Toady has a Stephanie. That boy probably has a bunch of ’em. Me though, I only had the one.
I can still see her if I try. Long straight hair. Dark, but not black. In the sun you could see a glint o’ red. She had full lips and big eyes. She was a real cute kid—a pretty little girl, but this was a long time ago. . . I don’t want to go too deep in describing the beauty of a minor. That she was an attractive young lady was not, however, universally agreed upon. In fact, some of the kids teased her. Kinda like they teased me. They didn’t make fun of her looks exactly, it was her clothes. They said she was a “dirt,” what meant she was poor. She didn’t look poor to me, but so what if she was—that ain’t something you can blame a child for. Hard to blame anyone for that I think. Looking back, I don’t even think she was poor, but she didn’t wear the “right” clothes. I never learned those rules neither, but I guess there were plenty o’ other things to pick on me for, so my fashion choices didn’t make the cut.
I didn’t like Stephanie because she was an outcast. She wasn’t even that really, least not like me. I just mean to say it wasn’t like her being teased made me feel sorry for her or anything. Sure, I saw a bit of a kindred spirit maybe, but even then I felt she was way too good for me. She was a beauty and I. . . well I wasn’t. If her social status were already in question, she could do nothing worse than pick me as a boyfriend. Elementary school, and even junior high, creates and evolves a unique caste system. I knew who I was and where I belonged—I wasn’t happy about it, but I accepted it. Stephanie wasn’t at the top, but she was above me. But in sixth grade I got to thinking. . . maybe she wasn’t too far above me. Maybe together we would be stronger. Maybe together we wouldn’t care what any o’ them kids said. We’d have each other, you know?
We didn’t have no dances in elementary school. I don’t know if that’s how it is everywhere or just where I grew up. Dances started in junior high, but we weren’t quite there yet. So I couldn’t ask Stephanie to a dance, but I heard some o’ the other kids would go on dates to the movies. That sounded good to me. I didn’t care what we saw neither. Maybe afterward we could go play some video games together, or just talk to each other without any other kids around. We’d need to go to a different movie theater though, the local one would’ve been too risky. I didn’t want to take a chance on running into anyone from our class. I figured I could even suggest this to her as a selling point—make it easier for her to say yes. I did some research and found a movie theater not too far away. I posed the question to my dad as a hypothetical, like, “Hey there dad, if I ever wanted to go on a date with a girl from school, but we didn’t want to go to the local movie theater, would you give us a ride to the Upton?”
He said, “Sure son, I don’t give a shit.”
I even looked into what arcades were nearby, as well as ice cream shops and cafes, bakeries, novelties stores. I wanted to make sure she had a lot of options so she could have a good time. So both of us could have a good time. I just had to, you know, ask her.
I’m sure the current Toady would just go right up to some girl he likes and say “Hey, you wanna go see a movie with me?” Just like that! I think that’s a solid approach, but it ain’t something I could quite muster the courage to do back in the day. I thought I could just wait until the time was right and then ask her, but the time was never right. There were always kids around and the thought of passing her a note was terrifying. I had no doubt that someone would intercept it, or the teacher would catch me and make me read it in front of the class. Bad enough for me, but just as bad for Stephanie. I couldn’t put her reputation in danger without her consent. I didn’t think of it in those exact terms back then of course, but it was along them lines. If she chose to fall in love with me, well then we could take them all on, but until then I had to be discreet. I thought about asking for her phone number, but that turned into waiting for the right time too.
Then spring break was upon us. I followed her at a respectful distance as class let out, hoping to catch her alone for a moment. No such luck. She had a friend named Tracy who was almost always by her side. I never did like Tracy. She moved to our school in second grade and we just never got along. Before her and Stephanie became friends, she was one of my more consistent tormentors. Stephanie seemed to have mellowed her out somewhat, but there was no way I was going to ask her out if Tracy was there. The two of them walked from our classroom to their bus. I lived close enough to bike, so that was that.
I went to the mall a lot over that break. I got beat up by Brad Johnson. He was in our class and he didn’t appreciate seeing my face outside of school. I told him I didn’t like seeing him neither. He didn’t like hearing that and his friends egged him on, so there you go. Another lickin’ for Toady! I kept coming back to the mall anyway, just in case Stephanie showed up. Brad was surprised I dared to show my Toady face, but I told him it was a free country and I weren’t hurtin’ nobody by being there. Every day I went to that mall because it was the only place I could think of possibly running into Stephanie. The guys stopped picking on me after the fourth or fifth day, choosing to ignore me instead. I was fine with that. In fact, that was a pretty swell improvement.
Stephanie never showed. When we got back to school from spring break I heard she’d gone on a trip with her parents—and that she’d “met someone.” Yeah. Some beautiful boy who lived in a neighboring city. Far enough to go to another school, but close enough we’d all be at the same junior high the next year. Of course, she didn’t know if they’d still be together, but they were talkin’ on the phone regular. Her dating a boy from another school seemed to raise her status a bit and some of the popular girls took her under their wing. And she’d already set up the next date with her fella the following weekend. He was going to take her to the movies at a theater down the street from where he lived, which just so happened to be Upton.
Well clearly I survived that heartbreak. Things didn’t last for Stephanie and that boy, but they did date all the way through eighth grade. The torch I’d held for her had gone out by then. Looking back, I’m pretty sure she would’ve turned me down had I asked. The not-knowing stings a bit, but I don’t think she was ever going to be Toady’s girlfriend. Certainly no one else seemed eager for that position.
After high school, things got better. I stopped being Toady, for one. I never got real tall or nothin’, but I got pretty close to average. In fact I’d say I managed to get close to average on all accounts. Not like this Toady here—he’s livin’ the opposite daydream o’ me at his age. Bless him for it. A real good boy that one—makes his old man proud!
About Jerry White Jr.
Jerry is a filmmaker, musician, writer. He began making films as a teenager through home movies and public access television in Metro Detroit, later studied at USC’s School of Cinematic Arts, and has continued to move across film, writing, music, and collaborative creative communities.
About TANGENTS
TANGENTS is a new recurring literary section for flash fiction, short prose, and fragments that move outside fixed categories, published by STRATUM. It is a dedicated space for compressed narratives, strange turns, and writing that sits ambiguously between fiction, memory, humor, unease, and dream logic.
Edited By Yuyang Hu
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